Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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