just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
