You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
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it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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