What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
