All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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