In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
