I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
