4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
