It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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