Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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