Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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