the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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