I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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