god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
