i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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