oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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