38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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