She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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