is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
