So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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