Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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