One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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