If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
