Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
