Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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