it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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