Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
