i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
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Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
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I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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