Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Randomize
