After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
