You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The feeling are messing with the penis
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
