I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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