You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so explain again why im purple
no
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
