ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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