I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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