In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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