my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
did i walk over a car last night?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
