CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
