I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
