Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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