so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just pee around me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
