Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
