If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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