sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Blood and glitter go together right?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
