I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
