I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
