So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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