OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
