Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
