if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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