I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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