Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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