I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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