If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
