My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Randomize
