Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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