I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
