I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
