Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
