I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
