There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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