Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i came on her dog
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
