at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
