A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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