we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
