Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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