Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
