don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
