I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
