The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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