Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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