dude i'm inner monologue high
I looked at my own cervix.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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