Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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