Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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