Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
