i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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