So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
