Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
