you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This is the high leading the old right now
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
