I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
