Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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