Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
