I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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