Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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