I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
