Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
