Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
