God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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