I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
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